Director: Andrew Weiner
Writers: Vlady Pildysh, Andrew Weiner
Stars: Kris Lemche, Joe Egender, Timothy V. Murphy
What they say: From the makers of The Last Exorcism comes a boldly original vision of horror – THE FRANKENSTEIN THEORY. What if the most chilling novel of all time was actually based on a true account of a horrific experiment gone awry? When he is suspended from his university job for his outlandish ideas, Professor John Venkenheim leads a documentary film crew to the rim of the Arctic Circle in a desperate effort to vindicate his academic reputation. His theory: Mary Shelley’s ghastly story, “Frankenstein,” is, in fact, a work of non-fiction disguised as fantasy. In the vast, frozen wilderness, Venkenheim and his team search for the legendary monster, a creature mired in mystery and drenched in blood. What they find is an unspeakable truth more terrifying than any fiction…a nightmare from which there is no waking.
What I say: You know, if you have the balls to say that your film is “a boldly original vision of terror” on your trailer and box you had best fucking deliver. SO let’s take a look at what we have shall we? You have Frankenstein, that’s original right? It’s a “found footage” film, and we all know how original that is. And for good measure we have a little Trollhunter thrown in. So that’s one, two, three concepts these fools cribbed from. Original? Not so much.
Jonathan Venkenheim, tired of being ridiculed, hires a documentary film crew (More originality!) to follow him to the wilds of Canada to look for
Bigfoot Frankenstein. Along the way they stop to interview a witness who has actually seen the Frankenstein Monster! Alas, he’s a meth head with an itchy trigger finger. After narrowly escaping that situation, the crew heads on to meet a wilderness guide that looks suspiciously similar to the guy from Trollhunter. They travel by snowmobile to a yurt in the middle of nowhere to look for the monster. Naturally, things go horribly wrong.
The film looks cheap especially considering the whole hand held camera/documentary thing. The actors are all pretty shit except for Heather Stephens and Timothy Murphy, they do pretty well with what they have. The rest act like they are on The Office. There is tons of night vision nonsense and mugging for the camera. Basically every cliché that is wrong with these kinds of films is trotted out here. But that’s not to say that there are not some bright spots. The film picks up somewhat once we pick up the guide and there are actually a couple of pretty tense and effective moments. Unfortunately there is a lot of boring shit to wade through to get to them. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, happens off screen. We do hear a lot of growling however. Yeah.
Also, there is a HUGE disconnect between the film and its marketing, and I mean other than the outright lie about our getting a boldly original vision of horror. No, I mean the film goes out of its way to hide the monster. Now that’s valid as sometimes what you don’t see can be more terrifying. But the damn box comes with a 3-D slipcover with the monster in 3-D looking at you. And you know what’s worse? Once you do see the monster in the film it looks nothing like the thing on the cover! When he is seen it’s just a dude covered in fur and skins. A tall dude sure, but seriously?
I know I have bagged on this film a lot but it’s not a total waste. Like I said it does have its moments. But it’s not worth what you have to suffer through to see them. Boldly original? Maybe they were taking about the original combination of what they cribbed.
There are NO extras, not even a trailer. But maybe that’s for the best.